If I had to put a label on the relationship I have with my blog, I would probably say that “it’s complicated”.
I’ll have a few months where I post regularly, then I’ll have a little break. Then I’ll be back to posting regularly, then have another break. Some people might be okay with that schedule. But, having that sort of schedule is not what I aimed for when I started this blog. I wanted this to be a regular thing that I could rely on to express myself, and for other people to rely on it if they’ve found this blog to be of any help to them. Since these breaks have happened more than once, I think I’ve come to the realization of what I need to do to stop it:
I need to stop forcing myself to post something just for the sake of posting.
I feel like I put too much pressure on myself last year to make sure I posted twice a week so that people would remain interested in what I had to say, without asking myself if posting twice a week was what I really wanted to be doing.
It wasn’t that I ran out of ideas– I still have a ton written down that I am still interested in talking about– but when I force myself to post twice a week even when I don’t want to, I find that I quickly lose interest. It’s no longer a hobby, it becomes a chore that I need to do before I can go to bed. And I don’t want that. That’s not healthy. I want this to be a place I can come to whenever I have an idea that sparks creativity and eagerness in me, whether that’s every day or once a month. I don’t want to post something just because. On top of me losing interest when I do this, I feel that people who read it will be able to tell that my heart wasn’t in it. That I didn’t put as much effort into it as some of my other posts. That I posted it just for the sake of it being posted.
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Like your blog has become a thing that you have to do, even if there are days when you don’t want to?